Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.

On our quick trip to the beach recently, we met three adoptive families! Two of them adopted from China and one adopted domestically. I can't stop thinking about the conversation I had with the woman who adopted domestically. This woman and her husband adopted their great nieces. The birth father was put in prison about 4 years ago and this couple fought a 3 year battle and finally won custody of the younger niece who is now 5. Then eight months ago the mother died of a drug overdose and they got custody of the older sibling who just turned 10. The older sibling is angry and dealing with a great deal of grief. The adoptive mother is wondering why this child is not grateful to be in a safe and loving home. I just sat there and wanted to cry. I don't know all the circumstances in this situation. From what the woman told me, it sounded like the children weren't safe and their needs weren't being met. But even if this is the case and the children are now in a safe, loving environment... does the child not have a right to grieve? While she has gained some things, she has still lost so much... 
This may surprise you since I have two adopted children whom I adore and can't imagine my life without, but to me adoption is not the ideal situation. What would be ideal would be if fathers never went to prison and mothers didn't die of drug overdoses. What would be ideal is if China didn't have a one child policy and there was no poverty in the world and mothers had the choice to keep their children. Unfortunately we live in a broken world. The ideal situation is not always possible. So while adoption is better than the alternative, a child growing up without a family, we must remember that's only half of their story. The other half is very tragic. We can't pretend the other half doesn't exist. The other half is a wound that needs healing. Healing doesn't occur by ignoring a wound and pretending it isn't there. We need to acknowledge their losses and grieve with them as well as cherish all that we've found together. When we take in a child, we need to take every part of them, wounds and all.